I went shopping this past week. I went to two real brick and mortar stores, a supermarket and a big box hardware store. It sounds a bit crazy, but true. And, I have to say, I resented every single minute of it. That is how quick new habits form and old habits go by the wayside. In addition to that feeling of resentment, I also realized I am absolutely out of shopping shape. It is as if I had never gone to a store before. And my pre-game shopping warm up was just as bad.

It took forever to even get out of the house. And in doing so, I realized why French men, regardless of age and regardless of mode of transportation (walk, car or scooter/motorcycle) all sport a European carryall/manbag/satchel/fanny pack slung over-the-shoulder, a backpack, a slingbank, or simply put, a purse. There are a lot of things you need when you go shopping, and pockets just won’t cut it.

To be included in the satchel before leaving the house for the simplest of shopping trips is the following:

• Wallet with ID and credit card
• Car ownership papers and insurance certificate (this is France; not to be left in the glove box of the car)
• Keys – which is a little more complicated than it sounds – Must include house key, car key, and two separate FOBs, one for the house gate and one for the residence gate. The keys alone could serve as an anchor in a marine emergency
• Coin holder- never quite knowing whether the shopping cart will take a 1 Euro or 2 Euro coin.
• Glasses – two pair, one for sun and one for reading labels.
• Shopping list and pen
• Phone
• Mask – always mask-up

And during the confinement (and no doubt there is another on the way), a sworn attestation certificate indicating the basis on which you are not at home). Oy vey.

Having gone back and forth twice to the house to retrieve forgotten items, I was off. Be honest, how many times have you let your house the past year without remembering your mask?

Once at the supermarket, it was only one trip back to the car to retrieve the shopping bag collection taking up the entire storage space of the car, before venturing in. By that time, I was cranky and all I wanted was to be back home!

The shopping itself was relatively uneventful. I seemed to remember where things were in the store. What I still have not figured out in France though, is how there can be so many varieties of yogurt that it is not a section but rather an entire aisle, seeming to be cold enough that it could store the Pfizer vaccine. It takes me longer to find the right yogurt than the entire balance of the shop. And of course I found myself in the wrong (slow) checkout line. I think someone ahead of me was trying to pay with an out country third party cheque. Once at the cashier myself (I find self chequing too stressful for fear the machine will not read an item properly), I did of course forget to show the clerk my loyalty tag on my key anchor. That said, I am not sure what all these loyalty points get us mind you other than a download of our personal information and buying habits.

I got back to the car (a two seat Smart) to figure out how to get the shopping in the car and then the return of the buggy to the buggy storage where of course the cart jammed with the result of yet another 1 euro donation to the Cart Charity Foundation. With the eyes of a fighter pilot, I maneuvered unscathed out of the lot and retuned home, mentally and physically exhausted. I unpacked and the shopping bag collection has now been sitting at the front door for the better part of a week. It will only be a matter of days no doubt until the entire process will have to be repeated. Better yet, I should invest some google time away from watching a compendium of “fails” and instead figuring out whether Sobey’s Volia delivers to France.